Left Behind
by WaggleDaggers
Summary: After Meat and Candy, Sollux, the Mage of Doom, as to deal with being the only person who "really know2 what'2 goiing on". (MAJOR epilogue spoilers)


Artillery fire thundered from the battlefield some miles away. Sollux sat on his favorite hill, in the most comfortable spot, listening to a pointless war for a canonless planet. It's a terrible shame that so many people should have to suffer in this way, but Sollux could open his mind to the Doom in the universe, and he could barely smell it here. The suffering beyond the event horizon was so much greater, he felt as though this war was happening under a blanket in a scared child's room, while parents fought for custody in the room over. They were simply incomparable conflicts.

Sollux heard wings flapping. Aradia settled into the grass. She didn't look at him.

"Calliope is leaving. She's heading back beyond the horizon." She said.

"So?" He replied, sniffing.

"So, are you coming?"  
"You kidding? All that again? No chance."

"But… But why did you spend so much time with her before-"

"Talking with the cherub was something to do. And- And I wanted to be with you for awhile." Sollux didn't turn towards Aradia. He could feel blood pooling in his cheeks. "But I'm not going back out there. That whole universe stunk of suffering and death. Here is much better."

"Sollux, you can't just give up like that. There's a canon out there that we can still be a part of. We can still be relevant. Can't you feel it? Your ultimate self?"  
"Oh I can feel it alright. Not. Interested. I'd rather _not_ be intimately familiar with every subbed toe, depressive episode, and broken heart in the entire universe."

"You can learn to control-"

"I'm not leaving."

"Sollux can you at least listen to me?" Her voice was almost pleading. It made her sound like a little girl.

He sighed, and reached out his hand. She took it and placed it on her face as she spoke. He could feel her throat quivering.

"I'm listening." He said.

"If you stay behind you will be completely irrelevant. That's what Calliope said. No action to take will have any influence on any timeline." She tightened her grip on his arm. "You'll basically be a ghost. I want the universe to care about you. So come with me. Don't fade into obscurity."

"Why do you still give a shit?"

"..." Aradia betrayed no emotion.

"I mean, why do you want the universe to care about me?" Sollux took his hand away. "All it ever did was beat the shit out of us. Kill our friends. And what did we get? This." He waved his arms around, gesturing to the whole of Earth C. "Can't we just enjoy our reward? Can't we just rest?"

"I don't want to be irrelevant…"

"Then you go."

"Without you?"

"Yeah, you tend to just go off without me anyway. Just do it again."

"Excuse me?"

Sollux snorted. "If you can't enjoy the one thing our entire existence was for, I don't want to keep you here. But I can't leave either."

"Sollux…" Aradia shifted herself so she was sitting right next to him. She sighed deeply and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Sollux, do you love me?"

He stiffened but did not move away from her. "I most identify with the way you suffer. Is that love?"

"Probably not."

"Then I suppose I don't."

She rolled her head so that her face was buried in his neck. She kissed him lightly. "Thank you Sollux. I will never forget you."

He turned and kissed her on the top of the head. "Goodbye, Aradia."

She raised her head and he placed both of his hands on her face. They both smiled; Sollux leaned first. She mirrored his lean and they kissed one last time. Then she flew away, back to the universe, and back to suffering. Sollux sighed, and laid down in the grass.

Several days passed. The battlefield cooled. The smell of suffering dissipated, at least for a little while. Sollux sat on the same hill, thinking about the same things. He breathed fresh air for one of the first times in his life. It was delicious. He splayed his hands behind him, propping him up just enough so that he could feel the clouds passing in the crystal blue sky. He felt a hand rest on top of his. It startled him, but he did not move. He felt too restful to move.

"Hello Sollux."

"Feferi?" Sollux turned to see his once-empress. She was sitting next to him, legs splayed out, fingers intertwined with his. He did not move his hand. She was older, more mature, but her eyes still sparkled when she looked at him. She squeezed his hand. He smiled. "I'm glad you came to see me. How did you get here?"

"Paradox space." She closed her eyes when she smiled.

"What are your thoughts on…" Sollux gestured to the horizon, "Earth C."

Feferi's hand squeezed his. "I'm life-bound, remember?"

Sollux turned so she could see his face. He raised an eyebrow.

"I can feel it, Sollux. This place is teeming with growth and laughter. Maybe not for gods, but for the regular people. I… I love it here."

"Good to hear."

"What do you say that?"

"You won't make piss-poor company."

"What?"

"I just mean that all anyone else has done is complain about the situation. I… I'm glad you and I agree."

"Have you talked to everyone else?"

"Pretty much. Karkat, Kanaya, Tavros, Tavros Jr. Even Vriska's around."

"Nepeta?"

"She's still stuck in her sprite form. Apparently it's just her though."

"I'd quite like to talk to her."

"She's probably around."

"Is Aradia here?"

Sollux pursed his lips for a moment before speaking. "No. She's gone."

Feferi only frowned.

"She left us behind. She went with one of the cherubs, back into the universe."

Feferi's let go of Sollux's hand to cover her mouth. "She's in canon?"  
"Her, and a few others. Mostly humans. And Terezi, I think." Sollux slid his legs up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. "I don't know why I give a shit. She left just like every other time. I wouldn't want to stay with me either."

Feferi shifted her body so that she was sitting right next to him. He could smell the salt in her hair. She leaned her head on his shoulder. He tried to sit still, but he couldn't bear it. He forced his eyes shut and stood up, pushing her off him. She looked up and saw red and blue tears dripping from his broken eyes.

"I'm so fucking done with everything." Sollux said, not hiding his tears. His voice lurched and hiccuped as his sorrow fought for control of his throat. "I just thought- I just- I thought it was over. I thought we could all rest, the humans the carapacians, every- everybody." His shoulders heaved. His crying became more vocal.

"We _can_ rest…" Feferi stood.

"Not her! Not Terezi? Why does everyone want to be so _fucking_ important all the time? I was born psychic. I had the visions. I programmed the fucking game!"

Feferi put her arms around Sollux. His head fell onto her shoulder, and she stroked the back of his head. His tears stung her exposed shoulders.

"And all I ever wanted was to be nobody! I wanted to universe to stop caring about me so that I could just be alone. No voices. No dreams." He sniffed. "Now here I have it all, and she just leaves? I thought we wanted the same thing! I thought I… I thought I knew her!" He was really sobbing now, his arms wrapped around Feferi and squeezed. He took his head from her shoulder to shout at the heavens.

"I just wanna be ordinary!" He cried more, sinking to the ground.

Feferi fell with him, holding him tight. She was crying too.

They sat on the hill for a long time, each believing they were holding the other too tightly. Sollux's breath came raspy, but eventually filled his lungs enough to stop his crying. He held Feferi's face in his hands. He could feel her tears. After a moment he let her go and wiped his eyes.

"We should probably get coffee together sometime, shouldn't we?"

"That sounds perfectly ordinary." She smiled.


End file.
